7.1.2025

sometimes i think about how much time changed everyone and everything. i hope im not coming off as that one person trying to make everything deep or force deep conversations just for the sake of being deep, but i feel like i cant properly handle that things just... go. time never stops moving.

like, looking through old photos and polaroids and such, its wild that 2024 me wouldve never thought in a million years that her own best friend would traumatize her just a year later. and how ~4 months after, she'd get back with the same guy.

do i regret anything? do i regret my decisions to try and rekindle our friendship back? no and no. i really do believe my love (PLATONIC.) for him is that of soulmate level. just like he once said, i also want to stay close friends and eventually grow old with my partner and him.

i have no idea where im going with this entry, but anywaayyy ive been listening to jay chou's mojito on repeat. i love the beat and everything, which reminds me, i need to do anki and review my mandarin soon.

6.30.2025

i feel kinda nauseous/dizzy,, its probably because i havent been taking my medications since ive been sick and have been taking other sick meds for it .. i didnt wanna risk mixing both

im hoping that by drinking lots of water and eating a whole bag of cotton candy grapes that this awful feeling will go away soon

other than that ive been taking somewhat small steps in talking to the man himself again. he seems to be really genuine in everything i think, i really hope im not being overbearing. it makes me sad to see him be physically dejected whenever i see him, i know its probably weird to say that, especially since everything thats happened--oh i understand my other friends' concerns and i appreciate them looking out for me too whenever i interact w him! but i just really dont think that this man would do it again.

my blog entries may probably seem all over the place, its just a place where i talk about whatevers going through my head at the moment when im writing. but anyway yeah

also,,, the whole situation just feels so different overall. but i think i can trust him. im putting in a lot of my effort into this after all.